Speedo Santa Takes The Valley by Storm

by I. B. Lyon

Christmas is going to be mild in The Valley this year. It’s going to be one of those crazy Christmases where we’ll be wearing shorts and running the a/c. We all know this will become more common because of climate change. A Valley Santa Claus has used this mild Christmas weather to make some extra money in a unique way.

Many people in The Valley are going to spend Christmas in and around their swimming pools. We rarely get weather this mild around Christmas, so many Valleyans are using it to to spend time outside with their families around the pool. Nick Jolly saw an opportunity with this crazy Christmas weather.

Jolly is a plumber by trade, but he’s always looking for a side hustle to make extra money. Jolly said, “I got 4 young kids and a wife that likes to spend money, so I’m always looking for a good side hustle. I knew the weather was going to be warm this year, and I saw people on Facebook talking about spending Christmas outside by their pools. A light bulb went on in my head. I can dress up like Santa and wear a Speedo, and I can charge a fee to show up at Christmas gatherings for pictures. I didn’t expect much, but I’ve got 12 bookings. I still have a few time slots open- $100 each for 15 minutes.”

Jolly has never dressed as Santa, but he’s embraced it. Jolly said, “I’ve been working on my Santa gut for about 20 years, and I started growing out my beard last year. I’m going to have to dye it, but that’s ok. I had to buy a Speedo. This ain’t Europe, so us dudes don’t normally wear Speedos around here. They’re calling me Speedo Santa, so I’m gonna roll with it!”

Jolly understands that this gig probably won’t be available each year. Jolly said, “It ain’t gonna be this warm every Christmas, so this gig won’t be an option each year. But, I’m gonna take advantage of while I can. Who knows? Maybe I can charge more if the weather is colder in the future. I’m not sure I can handle cold weather in a Speedo, but I guess I can bring my coveralls.”

I was able to speak to one of Jolly’s customers, and she’s excited. She said, “I’m so pumped that Speedo Santa is coming to see us. It’s gonna be a surprise; I’m the only one that knows he’s coming. I can’t wait to see everyone’s reaction when he takes off his suit. I’m even paying him an extra $50 to jump into the pool. We’re going to have some great memorable Christmas pics this year!”