by Emma Embellischer

Drivers have to be on the lookout for animals while driving in Mississippi and The Valley, especially at night. Deer are the main worry, because they can cause major damage to a vehicle. But, motorists also have to be on the lookout for other animals as well. Many car accidents are caused each year because of drivers trying to avoid animals. There’s a ton of wildlife along Hwy. 13 between Strong River Bend (SRB) and Valley City close to the 40B Development, and many animals are struck and killed along this stretch of highway. The Strong River Valley Transit Authority (SRVTA) has decided to take action to protect motorists in this area.

SRVTA Chairman Mehate Teslaz said, “We’ve been hearing complaints from Valley motorists about this strip of Hwy. 13 for some time, so we decided to do something about it. The SRVTA board has debated for a few months about a solution, and we finally formed a consensus at the last board meeting. We decided to build a wildlife bridge over Hwy. 13. You may have heard about this idea before. Gov. Newscum from California is doing this in his state. Unlike him, we plan to spend way less of your tax dollars and keep the project on time and actually complete the project.”

The wildlife bridge is expected to cost about $2.9 million, and construction is scheduled to start in 3 weeks. The SRVTA anticipates the project will take about 7 weeks to complete. Traffic on Hwy. 13 along the construction area will be impacted in the coming weeks while the bridge is being built.

Teslaz added, “This will simply be a small bridge over the highway. It’ll be similar to a pedestrian bridge over a busy highway or freeway in a large city. It will be approximately 25 feet wide to be able to handle wildlife traffic coming from both directions. We will plant grass and some plants on the bridge to make it appear as natural as possible. We think it will cut down on road kill and vehicle accidents, and that’s a good thing.”

The SRVTA will post signs on the right of way by the bridge and in the wooded areas surrounding the bridge to direct animals to the bridge for safe crossing. They also plan to have employees occasionally walk across the bridge to show animals how it works. Teslaz said, “We realize it’ll take some time for the animals to get accustomed to it, but we hope the signs and training will do the trick. You’ll have some mavericks and stubborn animals that won’t take the bridge, and we realize that.”

signs for animals

Valley residents have mixed feelings about the wildlife bridge. One resident said, “Is this a joke? Our hard-earned tax dollars are going to this garbage? The animals won’t use it. Kids are probably gonna use it to terrorize people driving thru there. This is such a stupid idea. We gotta clean house at the SRVTA and get rid of the board!”

Another resident said, “Oh, this is such a great idea! I know a lot of the animals probably won’t use it. But, if we can just save one raccoon’s life or one deer’s life, it’ll be worth it. The armadillos have no hope, but we can save other animals’ lives, and that’s a good thing.”

by Carl “Bull” Crapper

The SRVTI has done it again. I’m a happily married man with 10 kids. We have a great crazy life together, and I love my wife to death. But, sometimes she can be a little moody, and I’m sure all you men out there know what I’m talking about. The SRVTI has created a tool to help us men out.

WIFE MOOD PREDICTOR

The Wife Mood Predictor app allows men to gauge their wife’s mood based on various factors. Hopefully, you men out there won’t have to check anything on the right, because the more you have to check the more you’re in trouble. So, men let’s try our best to leave the things on the right unchecked.

The Wife Mood Predictor app won’t be a panacea, but it will hopefully help us men stay out of trouble. In the future, hopefully they’ll add tips for us men to butter our wives up when we get into trouble. Oh yeah, you don’t have to married to use this app guys!

by I. B. Lyon

You rarely hear of credible Bigfoot sightings in Mississippi and the South. We are pretty rural around these parts, but there normally are some folks or a settlement within a few miles of you. Bigfoot sightings in the US are normally in wilderness areas out West. But, that changed this past weekend. There was a credible sighting at the Strong River just outside of Strong River Bend (SRB) this past Friday.

According to the National Bigfoot Search Commission (NBSC), a credible Bigfoot sighting must have visual proof (picture or video), and it must be accompanied by at least one clear footprint. Both items were provided for this sighting.

Johnny Riverrat, Willie Strong, and Billy Strong saw Bigfoot this past Friday, allegedly. These guys are not strangers to Valleyans and SRVO readers. You can read a story about them discovering the legendary pyconda HERE. The crew was fishing late Friday afternoon like they usually do, but it was not a normal Friday afternoon at the river.

Riverrat said, “We fished for about an hour, and we’d caught 6-7 bluegills. It was getting close to dark, and we’d drank all our beer. So, it was time to head back to the house. Willie and Billy had done walked up the riverbank, and I was headed up. I just happened to look back to make sure I didn’t leave anything, and I saw him out of the corner of my eye. I couldn’t believe it. Luckily, I didn’t drop my stuff and make noise. I managed to get my phone out and get a pic of him from behind before he vanished. It was getting dark, so it’s not the best picture. But, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that it was Bigfoot.”

The 3 gentlemen walked over to where Riverrat saw Bigfoot, and they were able to see a few footprints. They took some pictures of the footprints. Riverrrat added, “I know why they call him Bigfoot. His footprint was huge! It was about twice as big as mine. He would probably wear about a size 20 shoe.”

Most Valleyans are not buying the Bigfoot sighting. I’ve perused through a couple Valley and SRB Facebook groups, and very few folks are taking it seriously. But, Riverrat is adamant that he saw Bigfoot. He said, “I know people think I’m crazy, and they’re right. I’m pretty crazy. But, I know what I saw. Some people will say I was drunk, but I’d only had 3 beers. It was Bigfoot! No doubt!”

This is the first credible sighting ever in Mississippi according to the NBSC. Will there be more? Valleyans, be on the lookout for Bigfoot! You just never know.

by Ima Phibber

Good things are happening in The Valley and in Strong River Bend (SRB). People have been watching the construction of the new shopping center in SRB for some time, and it finally opened this Monday. Strong River Bend Commons opened to much fanfare, and the parking lot has been packed with cars.

Strong River Bend Commons aka The Commons is not a large development; it only contains 3 tenants. But, it’s going to house three exciting businesses. The Commons was the brainchild of Valley entrepreneur Bubba Binness. Binness said, “I’ve been wanting to build a premier commercial development in SRB for quite a while, and I’ve finally got it done. I had all 3 suites occupied well before the building was completed. I think the people of SRB are really going to enjoy The Commons, and the businesses are going to be a great service to our community.”

The center tenant is a vape shop- Visionary Vapes. On one end is a nutrition shop- SRB Nutrition, and the other end is a liquor store- Valley View Liquor. SRB Nutrition will have loaded teas, energy drinks, and other drinks. People have been flocking to The Commons this week to check out these new businesses. I was able to speak to multiple members of the community, and I got some mixed feelings.

One lady said, “I’m so pumped about this. I can start at SRB Nutrition with my favorite loaded tea, then I can go over to the vape shop and get my refills, and I can finish up at the liquor store. What else could a person need? I’m excited, and I’m gonna be hangin out at The Commons a lot.”

An older gentleman said, “This is an embarrassment. How did the board of aldermen approve this? We really need a vape shop and a liquor store around here! As a believer and a Baptist, I am appalled. Couldn’t they have put something else there? Maybe a Subway? I know it cost an arm a leg to eat there now, but come on! I doubt you’ll see me at The Commons.”

by Offe Hisczrocher

Valley County is always on the cutting edge. They don’t mind standing out from the crowd and trying new things. One example is the county voting to make daylight saving time permanent in 2024. You can read our story about that HERE. Now, they’re going to do something that no other county in the US has done. They’re going to allow Valley County residents to add emojis to their vehicle tags.

Tags with emojis will be considered personalized tags. Vehicle owners that choose to add an emoji to their tag will be charged an additional $10 per emoji in addition to the normal personalized tag fee. A maximum of 3 emojis can be added to a tag. The county looks to generate thousands in additional revenue by offering this to Valley County residents.

Valley County Tax Collector Zack Keyus said, “A person in our office suggested offering emojis on our car tags a while back. We all laughed and thought it was funny. But, I began to think about it, and I realized this would probably be popular with our taxpayers. And, it could potentially generate thousands in additional revenue for the county, and it would give us some good publicity. I presented it to the county at our monthly meeting a few months ago, and they approved it. We’ve been working out the details since, and here we are. We’re excited about it.”

Again, only 3 emojis max will be allowed per tag. Also, no inappropriate emojis will be allowed. One issue that arose is with law enforcement. How do they run car tags with emojis? How will law enforcement, dispatchers, and citizens be on the same page when reporting crime and running tags? All law enforcement officers in Valley County met with the Keyus to discuss any issues. Keyus provided all law enforcement agencies with emoji cheat sheets to identify all the allowed emojis, so that should help with any confusion.

I was able to speak to multiple Valley County residents about the county allowing emojis on vehicle tags, and I got mixed feelings. One older gentleman said, “This is a joke right? I just learned how to text last year, and I don’t even know how to use emojis. I still use correct punctuation when I text. I have to call my kids and grandkids all the time trying to decipher their text messages when they use emojis and that lol, idk, ttyl crap. I guess things are just passing me by, but I don’t like this emoji stuff.”

One young lady said, “This is so cool! I can’t wait to get a new tag. I’m definitely getting 3 emojis on my tag. I told my friend in another county about it, and she was so jealous. But, how am I going to choose what 3 emojis I want? That’s going to be tough.”

It will interesting to see the emoji tags and how people will use them to express themselves. Will other counties across the state follow Valley County’s lead and offer them? If they generate a lot of additional revenue, you can bet they will.

by Heeza de Seaver

The SRVTI was back in the lab this week. They read our story last week about the couple that had a domestic dispute at McDonald’s because they couldn’t decide on a place to eat. This is very common issue with couples and families, so the SRVTI decided to create an app to solve the issue- Grub Roulette.

GRUB ROULETTE SITE

Grub Roulette will allow you to add up to 7 restaurants based on your location. Then, it will spin a wheel and make the dining decision for you. Of course, someone in the family may not like the selected restaurant, but Grub Roulette made the decision for you. So, there’s no person to blame.

The SRVTI is all about solving problems for everyday Valleyans, and they feel Grub Roulette will do that. I can’t wait to see their next creation.

by I. B. Lyon

The Valley City Police Dept. (VCPD) was called to McDonald’s on Tuesday evening at approximately 7:25 pm. A McDonald’s employee called the police after observing a couple in the midst of a domestic dispute while in the drive through. A McDonald’s customer also called the police after seeing the couple fighting. It was an unfortunate event, but I’m sure most of you will be able to sympathize with the couple.

The police arrived at approximately 7:28 pm. The couple was sitting in their car in the parking lot. Two VCPD officers approached the car, and they talked with the husband and wife separately. After the discussions, no charges were filed. VCPD has promised not to release the identities of the couple. However, I was able to get a statement from the VCPD about the situation. Many are speculating that is was a prominent well-known couple in Valley County, but I haven’t been able to confirm that.

The VCPD spokesperson stated, “The couple was involved in a domestic dispute that did not turn physical, but it got very heated. The couple was getting along great earlier in the evening, and they decided to go out to eat. They could not decide on a place to eat, and they went back and forth for about 30 minutes. The wife stated multiple times that she didn’t care where they ate, but she shot down all the husband’s suggestions. They both became more agitated as the minutes passed by. Finally, the husband decided they would just go through the drive-thru at McDonald’s. The wife did not respond well to that, and all hell broke loose.”

Fortunately, my wife and I have a policy that would’ve avoided this issue. If we can’t decide where to eat after 5 minutes, then we go to Waffle House. This is something I’d recommend for every couple. We have a similar policy in regards to Netflix. In the past, it would take us 30 minutes to decide what to watch, and we’d end up not watching anything and just scrolling on our phones. So, we decided that if we can’t agree on a show or movie after 5 minutes, then we have to watch Gunsmoke.

Thankfully, this domestic situation did not turn violent, and it’s probably best that we never know the couple’s identity. All couples have arguments, and they sometimes get pretty heated. The VCPD spokesperson also said the McDonald’s ice cream machine wasn’t working, so that set the wife off even more. The husband should’ve drove to Sonic or Dairy Queen.

by “Stretch” DeTrooth

Big Billy’s Sporting Goods created the Big Buck Battle 14 years ago. It’s a been a sought-after prize for Valley deer hunters since day one. The prizes have gotten better year after year. This year’s winner gets a free wall mount, a $1,500 shopping spree at Big Billy’s, their picture on the famous Big Billy’s Wall of Fame, along with bragging rights and Valley-wide fame.

The competition has a long list of rules that are posted online and on Big Billy’s Facebook page. The Big Buck Battle does not require antlers to dry for 60 days like many competitions. The buck has to be harvested in Valley County. The most important rule requires the buck to be scored by an Official Measurer (OM) at Big Billy’s. Evidently, that wasn’t done with this year’s winner.

The winner was announced this Tues., Feb. 24th, but things got crazy just after the winner was announced. Bishop Sycamore was the winner. Big Billy’s posted a picture of Sycamore with his massive buck and its score on their social media pages to congratulate him. But, followers quickly sounded the alarm. One person posted, “This seems real fishy”, and another posted “Something ain’t right here.”

Multiple people on Facebook commented that they didn’t know the identity of Bishop Sycamore. No one went to school with him, and no one was in a hunting club with him. It was a mystery, no one recognized him.

I reached out to Big Billy’s to get an explanation. Store manager Bubba Broadside said, “Well, I think we’ve been had. It’s a long story, but I’ll give you the short version. Mr. Sycamore came by the store when our OM was out sick, and we took his name and number to call him back. Our OM called him back, but Mr. Sycamore said he was out of town and would be for weeks. He said he was going to miss the deadline for submission. Our OM told him to text him multiple pics of him and his deer, and he did. Our OM analyzed the pictures, and he determined that he was the winner. Our OM said something seemed a little off when he talked with Mr. Sycamore about getting his wall mount, and he said he didn’t want one.”

Mr. Sycamore came by last week to claim his prizes. He furnished what appeared to be a valid driver’s license when asked for identification. He claimed his $1,500 in merch from Big Billy’s, and they hung his picture on the wall of fame while he was there. The OM was not there when Mr. Sycamore came in to claim his prizes. However, a suspicious Big Billy’s employee managed to snag a picture of Mr. Sycamore’s license.

Big Billy’s asked the Valley County Sheriff’s Department to analyze the license, and they determined that it was counterfeit. Store manager Bubba Broadside said, “Gosh, that was a gut punch when they told us that. This punk got us. He probably never killed the deer, and he probably did the pictures using AI. He’ll probably sell the merch to make some money. We’ve taken Mr. Sycamore’s picture off the wall of fame. We’re going to contact the #2 finisher, and let them know that they’re the rightful winner. We learned a hard lesson with this episode. Trust but verify and then verify again.”

What’s wrong with people? Big Billy’s lost out on $1,500 of merch, but they didn’t have to do a wall mount. This “Bishop Sycamore” guy obviously lives outside Valley County, and he spent a lot of time and effort to cheat. But, remember kids, cheaters never win! The Valley County Sheriff’s Dept. is on the lookout for Sycamore, so call them with any tips or leads.

by “Stretch” DeTrooth

College athletics has gotten crazy. Name, image, and likeness (NIL) has given college athletes the opportunity to legally get paid. Many college football and basketball players are getting paid 7 figures, and it’s taken the amateurism out of both sports. In addition to the obscene NIL deals, you also have the transfer portal. Players can transfer to another school basically at will. Everyone is a free agent open to the highest bidder. It’s turned into the Wild West, and now you can add more thing to the madness.

A male pro basketball player named Charles Bediako who was playing in the G League came back to Alabama to play, but he was ruled ineligible after playing 5 games for the Crimson Tide. Another pro basketball player named Amari Bailey is fighting to be able to come back and play college basketball, and Bailey actually played in NBA games. This is insane, but the NCAA is powerless to stop it. I’m sure there will be more to come until legislation is passed or the conferences ban it.

This issue has now popped up in high school in The Valley. Former Strong River Bend (SRB) High baseball player, Sammy Bonds, just got an emergency stay yesterday by the Valley County courts that will allow him to play with the SRB High baseball team this season. River Hills High School, SRB’s biggest rival, filed a lawsuit to keep Bonds from playing for SRB High this year, but Bonds was granted an emergency stay that will allow him to play. Bonds is 20 years old, and he graduated from SRB 2 years ago. Bonds played one year at Valley State Community College, but he left college after one year to work in his family’s business.

SRB High baseball coach Sparky Granderson said, “Sammy is a great man, I mean kid. We’re glad to have him back with us for the season. He wasn’t able to play his sophomore year in high school because he got mono, so it’s only fair that he gets an extra season. River Hills is just upset because they know Sammy is a great pitcher, and his addition makes us the favorite to win the district. I don’t make the rules; I just try to abide by them. The court ruled him eligible, so there you go.”

Just about everyone except the SRB faithful is unhappy about Bonds’ eligibility. One local high school baseball coach said, “This is just stupid. SRB’s principal could stop this, Coach Granderson can stop it. But, all they care about is winning. So, the judge has a son on the baseball team at SRB, and it just so happens the stay expires when baseball season is over. How convenient! You shouldn’t be able to play in high school after you’ve already played college ball and you’re 20 freakin years old. It’s retarded!”

A River Hills parent said, “So, my son has to play against a grown man now? Really!? Imagine if this was football; I’m sure it’ll happen in football next year. This has to stop! I guess we’re gonna have to bring back one of our studs from a few years ago. I guess we just need to find a judge to side with us. That dude is going to get booed so bad when they play at River Hills. It’s gonna be worse than when Lane Kiffin and LSU play in Oxford this fall!”

This all seems insane, but all you need is a sympathetic judge to sign off on it. This trend will more than likely continue until legislation is passed. It didn’t pass this year, but wait until school choice passes! It’s going to be the Wild West on steroids.

by Emma Embellischer

The Valley Women’s Coalition (VWC) is a non-profit based in Valley City that has been fighting for women’s rights for 20 years. They’ve taken up many causes over those twenty years. Most of their organizing has been for left-leaning causes, so they’re not the most popular organization in the very conservative Strong River Valley. Their latest cause is not going to help their popularity either.

It’s Mardi Gras season right now in Louisiana and in many of the surrounding areas including The Valley, and one of the great things about Mardi Gras is the king cake. King cakes originated in France in the 12th century, and they became a thing in New Orleans and Mardi Gras in the late 1800s. There are many bakeries in New Orleans, all over Louisiana, and in south Mississippi that are known far and wide for their delicious king cakes. You see them everywhere this time of year, and they come in many different types and flavors.

The VWC has had enough of the king cake patriarchy, and they want to rename it to the queen cake. VWC President Suzie B. Anthony said, “We all know American society is dominated by males. The patriarchy and sexism is over-bearing, and the VWC is going to do something about it. Our vernacular is an easy and painless way to make strides. Most king cakes are made by women and their blood, sweat, and tears. It’s time we call them by their rightful name- queen cake. We know there are already queen cakes associated with Mardi Gras, but most people have never heard about them. It’s queen cake from now on. Urge everyone you see to call them queen cakes. It’ll take a while, but we hope to change the vernacular and rectify this issue.”

The VWC has organized a march in downtown Valley City this evening at 6:00 to promote their cause. The ladies will be dressed in purple, green, and pink. They will also be selling purple, green, and pink queen cakes to raise money for their cause. The traditional Mardi Gras colors of purple, green, and gold symbolize justice (purple), faith (green), and power (yellow). VWC is substituting pink for yellow, and the pink is supposed to symbolize female empowerment. Also, their queen cakes will have a small crown inside them instead of a baby.

I talked to some Valley City residents about the VWC’s latest crusade, and everyone I talked with is not on board. One lady said, “Those women are crazy! They’re all single or divorced liberals, and they’re angry all the time. Nobody is going to start calling king cakes queen cakes. It’s just retarded, and they’re wasting their breath and time. Losers!”

A male Valley City resident said, “This is so lame! These idiots obviously don’t know the history of the king cake. I hope you’re not going to cover their “march” tonight, because they’ll probably have about 9 crazy women there. Those women need to swallow their pride, get some joy in their lives, and try to find a man. They belong in the home- cooking and cleaning. This “cause” will go nowhere just like all their other ones. So sad.”

It seems like the VWC has an uphill battle with their queen cake crusade. We’ll see if queen cake takes hold, but I have my doubts. The SRVO will not be covering their march tonight, so follow the VWC’s Facebook page for any updates.