All posts by srvobser

by Carl “Bull” Crapper

The drought this year has been extreme. Many Valleyans have said this is the worst drought they can remember. Many farmers are hurting, and the winter is going to be a tough one. It looks like we still have a good bit of misery to go. However, one local business has turned the drought into an opportunity.

Bubba’s Excavation and Well Services, Inc. is killing it right now. Bubba Diggs has owned Bubba’s Excavation and Well Services, Inc. for 20 years, and his business has struggled the past few years. But, Bubba saw an opportunity with the current drought. Bubba, along with many Valleyans, loves to hunt deer. Diggs said, “These deer are looking for water because of the drought, and a light went off in my head. I could build a small pond and dig a well nearby to fill the pond with water, and that would attract deer. I did it for me, and it was an easy job. So, I figured that people would pay me to do it, and I was right!”

Diggs has been swamped with business for the past couple months. Valleyan hunters have been calling Bubba left and right. Diggs can normally do two jobs in a day, and he’s been working 7 days a week. One customer said, “Bubba saved the day! We didn’t know what we were going to do. Now, we’re just gonna sit on our back porch and pick em off by the “pond”. It’s gonna be like shooting fish in a barrel baby!”

Diggs has been able to buy a new bulldozer because of his recent success, and he plans to hire someone to double his business. Diggs also said, “I’m thinking about getting into the taxidermy and deer processing businesses too. Why not? I need to get my business fully vertically integrated, so I can serve all the needs of Valleyan hunters. Maybe, I should sell guns too?”

In addition to building a small pond and digging a well, Diggs will come back after deer season and fill the pond back in like it was never there. They are a full service excavation and well services company. It’s always good to see Valley businesses flourish, and you can always depend on good ole Valleyan ingenuity to save the day.

by Offe Hisczrocher

Fashion is fun and interesting, and it’s always changing. What’s popular this season probably won’t be popular next season. What was popular 15-20 years ago will again be popular one day. Some fashion items from the past were hideous, but what was hideous will be cool at some point. Nowadays, the ladies like showing their skin: short shorts, crop tops, dresses with super high slits, etc. Even the guys like showing off their legs; the shorter the shorts, the more popular they are.

Valley City has had enough of the current fashion trends. At recent board meetings, older residents have been complaining about girls showing too much skin, and one man has even complained about the boys shorts being too short. Older Valley City residents have had enough, so the board of aldermen felt compelled to act. They recently passed an ordinance forbidding certain clothing items. Many Valleyans are calling it the Dress Code.

To summarize, the ordinance outlaws shorts that show buttock skin, crop tops that show midriff skin, skirts that are 10 inches or more above the knee, and dresses with slits 10 inches or more above the knee. The ordinance also bans shorts for males that are 6 inches or more above the knee. Violators that are 18 and older will be hit with a $25 fine. The parents or guardians of under aged kids will be hit with the fine. Second time offenders will be hit with a $250 fine.

The new ordinance is pretty controversial, but the most controversial section of the ordinance relates to females over age 45. Any female over age 45 in violation of the ordinance will immediately be jailed for one night and fined $500. Many feel this goes too far.

One city official said, “Some feel this ordinance goes too far, but we felt we had to do something. The stuff girls are wearing these days is just out of hand. My dad wouldn’t have let me out of the house if I wore what some of these girls are wearing these days. Moms and grandmas are dressing like they’re 16 too. It’s crazy!”

One local female college student we talked with said, “This is insane! What’s next? Sharia law? I should be able to wear what I want; this just goes too far. I guess I won’t be doing any Tiktok or Instagram videos in Valley City anymore. I hate that, because they have the coolest places to make videos. I am so mad! Also, how are they going to enforce this? Are they going to have dress code police in brown shirts walking around with rulers? Do better Valley City!”

It will be interesting to see how the new ordinance is enforced. It shouldn’t be an issue now because of the cooler weather, but enforcement will be ramped up in the spring. The new ordinance goes into effect on Nov. 1st.

by Tre McGyver

Halloween season is in full blast in Valley Meadows right now. Our residents go all out for Halloween; all trailers except one has decorations. The Nophun’s never participate in anything or decorate for any holidays. The residents have decorated the gazebo, patio and the entrance; it’s a very festive place right now. Most people go all out for Christmas, but not my Valley Meadow peeps. Halloween is where it’s at!

Word has gotten out in The Valley that you have to check out Valley Meadows around Halloween. Many area residents drive into Valley Meadows after dark to see the craziness. It’s a spectacle. We’ve already had a few issues that I’ve had to address this year. Yesterday, we had a couple teens setup at the entrance charging non residents $5 per vehicle to enter into the neighborhood. Of course, I had to put the kibosh on that, but they had already made $40. That was a pretty smart idea though. Maybe, we’ll have to start doing that next year.

Also, we had one teen dressed up as a zombie jump onto the hood of a car of a Madison county family. It scared those people to death; they had a young child in the vehicle that is traumatized for life. Plus, it was a very expensive Mercedes, so I know they weren’t thrilled.

Additionally, the Adams family (the really weird family) hauled in some dirt to make a fake grave, and they’re burying a family member to make them look like they’re rising from the dead. I’ve had multiple neighborhood moms tell me that their toddlers have been having nightmares after seeing that. That’s a little too much, so I had to ask the Adams to stop that. They weren’t happy with me at all. Honestly, I think they may cast a spell on me.

It looks like we’re going to have to get a mobile pediatric psychiatrist and a mobile pediatric dentist to come visit Valley Meadows after Halloween. This place is nuts I’m telling you!

Y’all come see us at Valley Meadows around Halloween. It is something else! You just better be prepared though.

by Mack Speed

Hello Valleyans! It’s your boy Mack here. We had a great night at the track Saturday. Fall is in the air, and there’s nothing like the smell of the races. We had another great crowd at the track; we had around 2,000 fans again. Parking was much better this week, so I guess my PowerPoint presentation paid off.

There continues to be a lot of tailgating, and I love to see it. It just adds so much to the atmosphere. Sometimes the races are more of a Jerry Springer atmosphere, but I’d like them to be more of a college football atmosphere. Or, maybe a mixture of Jerry Springer and college football! Haha! My Ole Miss people are now a fixture at the tailgate, and more people are going all out. I did see some Ole Miss and MSU fans hanging out together, so maybe they read my last article. People are having food catered, and they’re paying teenagers to setup their tent, chairs, etc.

I got a couple reports of people gambling. I thought that was past us, but I guess not. Maybe we need to look into legalizing that next season. I didn’t get any reports of vaping, so that’s a good thing.

We didn’t have any bathroom issues, and we had plenty of porta potties. However, we did have a report of a couple teens making out in porta potty after the races. They must really be in love or drunk. How could you make out in a porta potty? The stench had to be horrible!

Now, to the races. My boy Dale won the junior race again, but it wasn’t easy. The competition is getting tougher. We had a little drama in his race though. One of the moms was yelling at Dale after the race saying he was cheating. Dale didn’t say anything, but I couldn’t keep quiet. I told the crazy woman to keep her mouth shut and mind her own business. I know my boy didn’t cheat, and she was just being a sore loser. I told her that I’d kick her out of my racetrack if she didn’t shut up.

Everyone assumed Tony Johnson or Jimmie Stewart would win the main race after their scuffle last race, but that wasn’t the case. Neither guy had a great race, and Jeff Petty took the checkered flag again. He simply outraced Johnson and Stewart this time. Johnson and Stewart were not happy; both were hollering and cussing at their crews. They thought that it was always going to be a two horse race, but it’s now a three horse race. Petty is very workmanlike; he just keeps his head down and races.

It was another great night for the SRVMRL. We only have two more races this fall season. We’ll see you next month at the track Valleyans.

by Emma Embellischer

The tv network Bravo aired the first Real Housewives show back in 2008, and it was called the Real Housewives of Orange County. It was a huge hit, and they’ve done multiple Real Housewives shows since then that have been very popular. Valley Productions has decided to copy their idea, and they’re going to produce a show called The Real Housewives of The Valley.

Gio Smellafarti has been a tv producer in New York for around 20 years, and he’s produced multiple hit shows and documentaries including The Primadonnas of the Prairie (based in rural Kansas), The Broads of the Bayou (based in Louisiana) and The Cats of Coal Country (based in West Virginia). He created Valley Productions specifically for his new show about the housewives of The Valley. Gio said, “Many people feel the Real Housewives shows are fake and don’t represent real middle class Americans. I wanted to create a show that shows real life with real middle class housewives, and The Valley is a great place to do that. I’m really excited about this show.”

Valley Productions will hold a casting session on Saturday, November 11th at 10:00 am at The Valley Convention Center in Valley City. Smellafarti said, “We are looking for 5 housewives that live in The Valley. We want women that are interesting and have personality. We’re looking for housewives of the following husbands/occupations: oilfield worker, farmer, teacher/coach, truck driver, and business owner. Spread the word! We’ll see you ladies on November 11 at 10:00 am!”

Smellafarti is promising to produce a quality show that represents the lives of actual housewives of The Valley, and he says he will shed them in a positive light. But, Valleyans are torn about the upcoming show. One female Valleyan said, “I have a feeling this show is going to be a circus. I know several women that are going to the casting session, and they are all a hot mess. Plus, I feel like it could possibly make The Valley look bad, and I really don’t want that.” A male Valleyan I talked with said, “I can’t wait to see this show! It’s going to be epic, and I know it’s going to be a hit. It’s going to be a train wreck in a good way! I know a lot of crazy women that should be on the show. And, The Valley is going to be famous; people are going to want to come to see The Valley and all it has to offer!

The five housewives and their personalities are going to make or break the show, so Valleyans are eager to see what women are selected. After casting, you’ll start to hear more about the show, and the marketing will really be ramped up in the coming months.

by I. B. Lyon

The Valley is not the ideal region for solar farms. It has a ton of trees, and it doesn’t have many wide open spaces large enough for solar farms. However, Sonny Green is about to change that. Sonny is one of the largest landowners in The Valley, and he’s been a forester for about 30 years. He recently cut about 250 acres of pine trees, and he’s going to clear the land for a solar farm.

I asked Green why he’s building the solar farm which is named the Sonny Green Solar Farm. He said, “I went on a trip out west earlier this year, and I saw multiple solar farms. I did a little research on them, and I decided that I wanted to build one. A lot of people think I’m doing this to help save the planet, but that ain’t the reason. I’m doing it to get rich. I can make a lot more money solar farming than tree farming or cattle farming.” Green plans to start construction on the project in the next couple weeks.

Green is partnering with local electrical cooperative, Northern Oak, to sell the power generated back to the grid. A Northern Oak spokesperson said, “We’re very excited about our partnership with Mr. Green. This solar farm should help slightly lower our members’ monthly bills. Plus, we want to do our part to help save our wonderful planet.”

Not everyone is thrilled about Mr. Green’s solar farm however. Many local hunters are upset about the project. One hunter said, “This is going to totally screw up the deer hunting in our club. His land is adjacent to the club’s land, and I’m sure the deer population is going to be down because of the loss of their habitat. It’s not gonna help the turkeys either.” One of Mr. Green’s neighbors who wanted to remain anonymous voiced his displeasure as well. He said, “It just looks bad. This ain’t California or Arizona. It’s the freakin Valley, and we don’t like that crap here. Plus, those stupid things are made in China.”

The construction of the solar farm is expected to take about 6 months. It’ll be interesting to see how Valleyans feel once the project is completed.

by Mack Speed

Howdy Valleyans! The third race of the season was on Saturday night. It was a great night with an epic ending. I think we had close to 2,000 fans, so the word is getting out about the SRVMRL. People love the atmosphere, and the racing is pretty good too. We still had some parking issues; I don’t think we’ll be able to fix them. I guess I need to do a Powerpoint presentation to explain how things need to be done to my guys, but ain’t nobody got time for that.

The tailgating has gotten bigger. There are probably 250 people that tailgated on Saturday. They were cooking some good food. My Ole Miss buddies shared some food with me, and it was good. I don’t know what it was, because it was pretty fancy. The tailgating was segregated though. MSU and Ole Miss fans were not tailgating together. Come on people! The Valley Motor Speedway is a place where everyone can come together. People were playing cornhole, and the kids were running around having a good time. That’s the type of atmosphere I want at the Valley Motor Speedway.

I still got a couple reports of people vaping. Again, we’ve posted signs that it is not allowed, but I guess people can’t read or they don’t care. Quit vaping you idiots!

There were some lines to use the porta potties because of the big crowd, so we may have to add a few more. But, that’s a good problem to have.

The races were very good this week, and they’re getting more intense. My boy, Dale Earnhardt Speed, won the junior race, but it was pretty close. I think he’s getting the big head. He’s gonna get humbled if he doesn’t watch out. The main race had some drama. Tony Johnson and Jimmie Stewart were going back and forth and bumping and grinding the whole race. It was intense. On the final lap, Tony bumped into Jimmie and they both spun out. That gave Jeff Petty the opportunity to take the checkered flag. You’ll probably hear more about Petty; he’s really coming on.

So, Johnson and Stewart were not happy with one another. They didn’t worry about finishing the race. They immediately jumped up, and they took off their helmets and gloves and it was on like Donkey Kong! They started pushing each other, and Johnson punched Stewart. More punches were thrown, and Stewart ended up having a bloody nose, and they were wallering around on the track. It was epic! They had to separated by the other racers. That’s the kind of thing the fans want to see!

We’ll see you again in a couple weeks Valleyans! It’s gonna be fun!

by Ima Phibber

No one is going to confuse the Strong River Valley (The Valley) with Silicon Valley; the two places couldn’t be more different. The Valley is not known as a hot bed of tech innovation. Heck, all of our residents don’t even have high speed internet. But, we do have some smart innovative people in The Valley, and Mark Elon Jobs is at the top of that list. Mark’s latest project is making waves, and it’s going to help many people in The Valley and around the country.

Jobs has always been interested in technology. When he was a kid, he would take computers apart and put them back together. He would even build computers from spare parts. He was known as a whiz kid. His company, Valley Tech Solutions, has created multiple apps and software programs, but nothing that has been used by the masses. However, that is likely to change with his new dining loan program- Di-Lo (short for dining loan).

Jobs still lives with his parents, and they eat out together once per week on Friday nights. He’s noticed that food inflation has caused their weekly restaurant bills to skyrocket. Jobs said, “It’s crazy how expensive eating out has gotten. I don’t see how a family of 4 or 5 affords to eat out now. It’s just gotten way out of hand. Also, they want you to tip for everything these days, so tip inflation has gotten crazy too. One Friday night while I was eating with Mom and Dad, I thought that I needed to do something to help people afford eating out.”

Jobs created a software program that he calls Di-Lo. Di-Lo provides microloans or microcredit to diners to help them pay for their meals. It’s a form of buy now, pay later for the restaurant industry. Diners can let their servers know they plan to use Di-Lo. They can choose to pay for the meal over 7 days or 14 days, and the interest rates are very competitive. Jobs has partnered with the local bank, The Peoples Priority Bank, to provide the loans. The restaurant, Valley Tech Solutions, and The Peoples Priority Bank each get a third of the revenue created from each loan, and the diner is able to afford a nice meal.

I talked to multiple Valleyans about Di-Lo, and they were excited about the program. One person said, “We’ll be able to afford to eat out now. Heck, I’ll get the steak instead of the burger now, and we’ll go get ice cream afterwards. The whole family can get a drink too; we all don’t have to get water!”

Jobs said, “I’ve always just wanted to help people with technology, and I think Di-Lo will definitely do that. Di-Lo is already in multiple restaurants in The Valley, and we hope to continue to grow in and outside The Valley.” Inflation has cooled recently, but there is still some food inflation. So, there should be a lot of demand for Di-Lo going forward.

by Emma Embellischer

In my recent story, I told you about the animal control issues that SE Rankin County and Puckett are having. The SE Rankin County Commission (SERCC) and Town of Puckett decided to hire a part-time animal control specialist to help solve the issues. They received 25 applications for the position, and SERCC has made the hire. Steve Irwin Hanna is the man for the job.

Steve Irwin Hanna

Hanna is well known in The Valley, and he is a jack of all trades. He can fix your plumbing issues, cut a tree, pour a concrete slab, fix your lawn mower, and take care of your critters. You can normally find him hanging out at the Puckett Quik Stop with the old men. They drink coffee and tell lies to each other, and they stare at anyone they don’t know that walks in. Hanna works for himself, and he has a flexible schedule. So, the job is a good fit for him, because he should be able to respond to any animal control calls in a timely manner.

Hanna said, “I’m glad they chose me for the job. I’ve been getting rid of critters and animals for a long time, and now I’ll get paid to do it. If you can’t reach me, you can normally find me at the Puckett Quik Stop. I’m good with any animal except a snake. If you need to get rid of a snake, I’ll handle it, but it’ll be with my 12 gauge. I ain’t handling no snake! I just want everyone to know that on the front end.”

Hanna also said, “I’m pretty pumped about the truck they’re giving me. I know it’s a 95 Ford, and she has a few imperfections. But, she looks better than my old truck, and she runs good. I’m probably gonna have to get a young kid to help me use the iPad; I have no idea how to use that thing. Also, don’t worry about those cows getting out Valleyans, I’ll get them back in no time!

Hanna will be on call 24/7, and he’ll serve Puckett and SE Rankin County. Just look for the white 95 white Ford truck with the animal specialist sticker on the door. Also, SERCC created an animal control hotline that residents can call- 1-800-CALLACS, and that will go live on October 1st.

by Pullyn Mylegg

Valley City (VC) couldn’t sit back and do nothing after Valley Prep started doing drone shows during halftime of their home football games. VC doesn’t have the funds to do a drone show, so they had to think outside the box. Band Director, Ludwig Chopin, had to come up with something inexpensive and entertaining. After some brainstorming, he came up with a grandpa 40 yard dash race.

The 40 yard dash is the standard used to measure the speed of football players. Chopin is going to invite 10 grandfathers to participate during halftime, and it’s on a first come, first serve basis. They have to be at least 50 years of age, and they have to show a picture of a grandchild in order to participate. He also is going to have two flights: ages 50- 65 and 66 +.

They’ve had one race so far, and the fans absolutely loved it. Carl Lewis won the 50- 65 flight, which wasn’t much of a surprise. He’s 54 and in great shape, and he was a track and field star in high school. They only had one injury in that race; one 64 year old grandpa pulled a hamstring. And, they only had one grandpa that injured his pride by doing a major face plant which drew many ooo’s and ahh’s from the crowd.

Jesse Owens won the 66 + flight. It was very close, but he inched out a grandpa from the visiting team. The 66 + flight had 2 injuries. Jimmy Goforth tore his ACL, and Major Falls took a tumble and broke his wrist. Goforth said, “I was the fastest boy in my class in 6th grade. I had to get out there and show everybody that I still had it. Well, I don’t. I felt pretty good about my chances until they blew the whistle. I didn’t even get out of the starting gate without my knee buckling on me. I knew it wasn’t good.”

Major Falls tumbled face forward about halfway through the race, and he landed directly on his face. In trying to break his fall, he broke his wrist. Falls said, “Well, I broke my wrist, but my pride and my nose are hurt more than my wrist. I’ll be back to race again. Those old geezers better watch out!”

Chopin told me that multiple grandmothers approached him after the game saying they wanted to race also. So, Chopin will probably add a grandma’s race as well. These races are must watch, so VC hopes this will bring in more fans to their home games.