Archives February 2026

by “Stretch” DeTrooth

Big Billy’s Sporting Goods created the Big Buck Battle 14 years ago. It’s a been a sought-after prize for Valley deer hunters since day one. The prizes have gotten better year after year. This year’s winner gets a free wall mount, a $1,500 shopping spree at Big Billy’s, their picture on the famous Big Billy’s Wall of Fame, along with bragging rights and Valley-wide fame.

The competition has a long list of rules that are posted online and on Big Billy’s Facebook page. The Big Buck Battle does not require antlers to dry for 60 days like many competitions. The buck has to be harvested in Valley County. The most important rule requires the buck to be scored by an Official Measurer (OM) at Big Billy’s. Evidently, that wasn’t done with this year’s winner.

The winner was announced this Tues., Feb. 24th, but things got crazy just after the winner was announced. Bishop Sycamore was the winner. Big Billy’s posted a picture of Sycamore with his massive buck and its score on their social media pages to congratulate him. But, followers quickly sounded the alarm. One person posted, “This seems real fishy”, and another posted “Something ain’t right here.”

Multiple people on Facebook commented that they didn’t know the identity of Bishop Sycamore. No one went to school with him, and no one was in a hunting club with him. It was a mystery, no one recognized him.

I reached out to Big Billy’s to get an explanation. Store manager Bubba Broadside said, “Well, I think we’ve been had. It’s a long story, but I’ll give you the short version. Mr. Sycamore came by the store when our OM was out sick, and we took his name and number to call him back. Our OM called him back, but Mr. Sycamore said he was out of town and would be for weeks. He said he was going to miss the deadline for submission. Our OM told him to text him multiple pics of him and his deer, and he did. Our OM analyzed the pictures, and he determined that he was the winner. Our OM said something seemed a little off when he talked with Mr. Sycamore about getting his wall mount, and he said he didn’t want one.”

Mr. Sycamore came by last week to claim his prizes. He furnished what appeared to be a valid driver’s license when asked for identification. He claimed his $1,500 in merch from Big Billy’s, and they hung his picture on the wall of fame while he was there. The OM was not there when Mr. Sycamore came in to claim his prizes. However, a suspicious Big Billy’s employee managed to snag a picture of Mr. Sycamore’s license.

Big Billy’s asked the Valley County Sheriff’s Department to analyze the license, and they determined that it was counterfeit. Store manager Bubba Broadside said, “Gosh, that was a gut punch when they told us that. This punk got us. He probably never killed the deer, and he probably did the pictures using AI. He’ll probably sell the merch to make some money. We’ve taken Mr. Sycamore’s picture off the wall of fame. We’re going to contact the #2 finisher, and let them know that they’re the rightful winner. We learned a hard lesson with this episode. Trust but verify and then verify again.”

What’s wrong with people? Big Billy’s lost out on $1,500 of merch, but they didn’t have to do a wall mount. This “Bishop Sycamore” guy obviously lives outside Valley County, and he spent a lot of time and effort to cheat. But, remember kids, cheaters never win! The Valley County Sheriff’s Dept. is on the lookout for Sycamore, so call them with any tips or leads.

by “Stretch” DeTrooth

College athletics has gotten crazy. Name, image, and likeness (NIL) has given college athletes the opportunity to legally get paid. Many college football and basketball players are getting paid 7 figures, and it’s taken the amateurism out of both sports. In addition to the obscene NIL deals, you also have the transfer portal. Players can transfer to another school basically at will. Everyone is a free agent open to the highest bidder. It’s turned into the Wild West, and now you can add more thing to the madness.

A male pro basketball player named Charles Bediako who was playing in the G League came back to Alabama to play, but he was ruled ineligible after playing 5 games for the Crimson Tide. Another pro basketball player named Amari Bailey is fighting to be able to come back and play college basketball, and Bailey actually played in NBA games. This is insane, but the NCAA is powerless to stop it. I’m sure there will be more to come until legislation is passed or the conferences ban it.

This issue has now popped up in high school in The Valley. Former Strong River Bend (SRB) High baseball player, Sammy Bonds, just got an emergency stay yesterday by the Valley County courts that will allow him to play with the SRB High baseball team this season. River Hills High School, SRB’s biggest rival, filed a lawsuit to keep Bonds from playing for SRB High this year, but Bonds was granted an emergency stay that will allow him to play. Bonds is 20 years old, and he graduated from SRB 2 years ago. Bonds played one year at Valley State Community College, but he left college after one year to work in his family’s business.

SRB High baseball coach Sparky Granderson said, “Sammy is a great man, I mean kid. We’re glad to have him back with us for the season. He wasn’t able to play his sophomore year in high school because he got mono, so it’s only fair that he gets an extra season. River Hills is just upset because they know Sammy is a great pitcher, and his addition makes us the favorite to win the district. I don’t make the rules; I just try to abide by them. The court ruled him eligible, so there you go.”

Just about everyone except the SRB faithful is unhappy about Bonds’ eligibility. One local high school baseball coach said, “This is just stupid. SRB’s principal could stop this, Coach Granderson can stop it. But, all they care about is winning. So, the judge has a son on the baseball team at SRB, and it just so happens the stay expires when baseball season is over. How convenient! You shouldn’t be able to play in high school after you’ve already played college ball and you’re 20 freakin years old. It’s retarded!”

A River Hills parent said, “So, my son has to play against a grown man now? Really!? Imagine if this was football; I’m sure it’ll happen in football next year. This has to stop! I guess we’re gonna have to bring back one of our studs from a few years ago. I guess we just need to find a judge to side with us. That dude is going to get booed so bad when they play at River Hills. It’s gonna be worse than when Lane Kiffin and LSU play in Oxford this fall!”

This all seems insane, but all you need is a sympathetic judge to sign off on it. This trend will more than likely continue until legislation is passed. It didn’t pass this year, but wait until school choice passes! It’s going to be the Wild West on steroids.

by Emma Embellischer

The Valley Women’s Coalition (VWC) is a non-profit based in Valley City that has been fighting for women’s rights for 20 years. They’ve taken up many causes over those twenty years. Most of their organizing has been for left-leaning causes, so they’re not the most popular organization in the very conservative Strong River Valley. Their latest cause is not going to help their popularity either.

It’s Mardi Gras season right now in Louisiana and in many of the surrounding areas including The Valley, and one of the great things about Mardi Gras is the king cake. King cakes originated in France in the 12th century, and they became a thing in New Orleans and Mardi Gras in the late 1800s. There are many bakeries in New Orleans, all over Louisiana, and in south Mississippi that are known far and wide for their delicious king cakes. You see them everywhere this time of year, and they come in many different types and flavors.

The VWC has had enough of the king cake patriarchy, and they want to rename it to the queen cake. VWC President Suzie B. Anthony said, “We all know American society is dominated by males. The patriarchy and sexism is over-bearing, and the VWC is going to do something about it. Our vernacular is an easy and painless way to make strides. Most king cakes are made by women and their blood, sweat, and tears. It’s time we call them by their rightful name- queen cake. We know there are already queen cakes associated with Mardi Gras, but most people have never heard about them. It’s queen cake from now on. Urge everyone you see to call them queen cakes. It’ll take a while, but we hope to change the vernacular and rectify this issue.”

The VWC has organized a march in downtown Valley City this evening at 6:00 to promote their cause. The ladies will be dressed in purple, green, and pink. They will also be selling purple, green, and pink queen cakes to raise money for their cause. The traditional Mardi Gras colors of purple, green, and gold symbolize justice (purple), faith (green), and power (yellow). VWC is substituting pink for yellow, and the pink is supposed to symbolize female empowerment. Also, their queen cakes will have a small crown inside them instead of a baby.

I talked to some Valley City residents about the VWC’s latest crusade, and everyone I talked with is not on board. One lady said, “Those women are crazy! They’re all single or divorced liberals, and they’re angry all the time. Nobody is going to start calling king cakes queen cakes. It’s just retarded, and they’re wasting their breath and time. Losers!”

A male Valley City resident said, “This is so lame! These idiots obviously don’t know the history of the king cake. I hope you’re not going to cover their “march” tonight, because they’ll probably have about 9 crazy women there. Those women need to swallow their pride, get some joy in their lives, and try to find a man. They belong in the home- cooking and cleaning. This “cause” will go nowhere just like all their other ones. So sad.”

It seems like the VWC has an uphill battle with their queen cake crusade. We’ll see if queen cake takes hold, but I have my doubts. The SRVO will not be covering their march tonight, so follow the VWC’s Facebook page for any updates.

by Offe Hisczrocher

We all love to see economic growth in and around The Valley, but it comes with a price. A big issue with economic growth is more traffic. No one likes traffic, and people become impatient with it. If you’ve noticed lately, people seem to think stopping at traffic or stop lights is optional. That is unsafe, and Valley City has decided to do something about it.

Valley City Police Chief Andy Fife said, “We’ve written quite a few citations lately for people running red lights in Valley City. It’s helping stuff the city’s coffers, but it’s not safe. We’ve had one accident recently because of it, and plenty of close calls. I talked with the mayor about what we could do to stop it. Initially, I just thought we could do a Facebook post telling people that we’re gonna really start clamping down on it, so they better stop it. Then, I came up with the idea of putting large signs by the stop lights. We’re gonna give a try and see how it works.”

Chief Fife’s idea was to attach large signs under the traffic lights that read “RED MEANS STOP.” The city has ordered the signs, and they should be put up by the end of next week.

Mayor Ronald Bush said, “We only have 4 traffic lights in our great city, but this is a real problem. I’m hoping these new signs will help curb the issue. If this doesn’t work, we’ll look into installing cameras. I don’t want to do that, because I know that’ll cause a firestorm. Plus, that would probably hurt my reelection chances, but I have to lookout for the safety of our motorists.”

Valley City residents aren’t optimistic the new signs will make a difference. One person said, “These signs are a waste of money. They’re gonna make people want to run red lights even more. You know how people are these days. They’re just plain crazy! Unfortunately, I don’t think it’ll help.”

Another Valley City resident said, “Something needs to be done, but I’m not sure the signs will help. The other day, I had a green light to go straight, but the morons turning left in front of me got caught in the middle of the intersection. I couldn’t go even though I had a green light, and it turned red before I could go. I was so mad. I laid down on my horn and gave them the finger. That’s happened to me more than once. I just don’t think the signs will help.”

Time will tell if the new signs will curb motorists from running red lights in Valley City. Any bets on how long it will take before someone shoots one with a shotgun? I’ll set the over/under at 13 days.