Archives 2025

by Ben BeEssen

The Valley City July 4th Celebration is always a big event, and this year was no different. Many attendees said this year’s crowd was larger than any of the previous years’ crowds. It doesn’t get much better than a July 4th celebration in small town America. There were many events including a catfish filet eating contest, sweet tea chugging contest, and more. The night was capped off by a fireworks show.

A lot of people were looking forward to the cousin reveal station again this year, but the event organizers didn’t bring them back. They felt it was too controversial and too “redneckish” for the event. They added a watermelon seed spitting contest though (a much less redneckish event), and it was a popular event. They had 9 contestants, and it came down to two ladies- Sue Spitphire and Hazel Hottaire. Spitphire ran out gas in the end, and Hottaire ending up narrowly winning the contest. Hottaire was awarded 3 watermelons for winning the event (a $60 value).

The catfish filet eating contest was a big draw. 12 contestants competed in the contest, and they had 10 minutes to eat as many filets as they could. Bro. Jake “The Snake” Flair prayed beforehand that there would be no bones in the filets. Johnny Blue, the winner last year, was upset by Billy Flathead. Flathead slowly and calmly ate 40 filets. He put hot sauce on his filet, and his slow pace and patience paid off in the end.

The sweet tea chugging contest had some controversy. Contestants had one minute to chug as many 12 ounce cups of sweet tea as they could. Initially, Sonny Lipton was crowned the winner. But, last year’s winner, Milo “Red” Diamond and his wife complained to the judges that Lipton didn’t actually drink all his tea. After a video review, Diamond was crowned the winner. Lipton only drank about 80% of each glass of tea; a lot of tea ran down his chin and neck and onto his shirt. Lipton and Diamond’s wives had words, and the two ladies had to be separated.

The Dirtdobbers started their patriotic themed show around 8:00. They performed many patriotic songs including “America the Beautiful” and “God Bless the USA.” This is always a moving show. You had hundreds of people singing along and waiving American flags.

To cap the night off, there was a fireworks show at 9:00. Many people complained about the drone show last year, so the event organizers decided to bring back the fireworks show this year.

This year’s event was fantastic. It’s always nice to see the community come together to celebrate our great country. The good ole USA isn’t perfect, but she is pretty awesome. We have so much to be thankful for, and we hope that God will continue to bless our great country.

by Ima Phibber

Back in my day, tv commercials were clever and funny. But, that has changed. Now, many tv commercials are not funny, and they’ve become inappropriate for kids. You commonly hear cursing in tv commercials. Sex sells, so you see many sexually suggestive and risque commercials. You also see some commercials promoting homosexuality, transgenderism, and promiscuity. All this is hard to swallow for parents trying to raise their kids to be good God-fearing normies.

Valley tech entrepreneur, Mark Bezos, has decided to do something about it. The SRVO recently wrote a story about his new AI marriage program called Bliss. Bezos said, “In normal conversations over the past year or so, I’ve heard a lot of parents complaining about how inappropriate tv commercials are these days for their kids. I haven’t really thought about it; all my kids are grown now except Mark Jr. who is 18 months old. I started paying more attention to commercials, and those parents are right. Some commercials are awful these days, so I decided to help these parents out.”

The app is called AdCloak. The basic version allows parents to choose categories of commercials that they’d like to screen; categories include cursing, sexually suggestive, and more. The premium version allows users to also screen commercials from specific companies/organizations. The basic version is $1.99 per month, and the premium version is $3.99 per month. Bezos has negotiated agreements with all the major streaming services including YouTubeTV and SlingTV, and he has also negotiated an agreement with Roku. Bezos said, “It was a long process negotiating with these companies, but I managed to get it done. There’s still some work to do, and we plan to improve AdCloak going forward.”

Parents are very pleased so far with AdCloak. One mom said, “Yay! Now, I don’t have to constantly be on guard while we’re watching tv. In the past, I had to have the remote ready to change the channel every time a commercial came on, but AdCloak has taken care of that. I’ll gladly pay $1.99 per month for it.” One dad said, “We started out with the basic version, but we recently upgraded to premium. I can now screen out all the pharmaceutical company ads! No more Progressive and Liberty Mutual ads too. Sorry Flo and stupid emu! I love AdCloak! I wish we’d had it sooner.”

Viewers see a blank screen with music when an ad is blocked, but most viewers don’t have an issue with that. Many users say their kids get annoyed by it. One mom said, “My 4 year old twins don’t like the blank screen, but it’s better than them learning to cuss or singing pharmaceutical drug ad jingles.”

AdCloak has seen huge growth, and it doesn’t appear to be slowing down anytime soon. It will be interesting to see what new features it adds in the future.

by “Stretch” DeTrooth

Pickleball mania has taken over these days. Valleyans have had to travel outside The Valley to play until recently. Strong River Bend has 2 tennis courts at the city park that have not gotten much use in years. Multiple people petitioned the city to convert those tennis courts to pickleball courts, and that project was completed about 5 weeks ago. Pickleball players have been using the courts daily since the conversion.

It’s great that the courts are being used, and it’s great that more people are visiting the park. But, a problem has emerged between the senior citizen players and the teenage players. Most of the senior citizen players have been playing early in the morning to avoid the heat, and teens have been playing later in the evenings. Recently, some of the senior citizen players have started playing in the evenings, and that has taken up a lot of court time for the teens.

There have been reports of some yapping back and forth between the two groups recently, but things got heated this Tuesday night. Police were called after an altercation between an older man and teenage boy. Witnesses said the two were began arguing over the older gentlemen and his playing partner not leaving the court in a timely manner. It soon got heated, and the two were face to face yelling at each other. Luckily, the situation was diffused and no one was arrested.

A senior citizen male witness said, “These young punks have to learn to be patient. They don’t own the place. Us old folks have been paying taxes here for decades, and we should have first dibs on the courts. Kids these days don’t respect their elders. If these youngsters don’t like it, get over it. Plus, all they wanna do is clown around and do videos for social media. We could settle this by playing a match, mano a mano, but they don’t want none.”

A teen witness added, “Look, these old guys should play in the mornings. They get up at like 5:00 am anyway. Us teenagers should get to play in the evenings. The old guy started it by running his mouth; we were ready to play, but we didn’t say anything. Those guys are mean and ruthless. It’s just ridiculous that they think they can play all the time, and they think they don’t have to share the courts.”

Because of the incident, Strong River Bend is now requiring players to reserve court times by the hour. Also, the police will have be patrolling the park more often in the evenings to deter any future incidents. It’s unfortunate the two contingents can’t get along, but hopefully things can get worked out soon.

by Heeza de Seaver

Kids loving going to summer camp. Whether it’s church camp, baseball camp, or Camp Ayntnocissy, kids look forward to them each summer. Valley farmer, John Farmer, has created a unique camp on his farm this summer. Most summer camps are about fun and games, but Farmer’s camp is different. His camp is about teaching kids how to work, and parents are sending their kids in droves.

Families are super busy these days- school, sports, church, vacation, etc. This causes problems with many kids, because their parents don’t have time to teach them how to work and how to do basic stuff around the house. So, a lot of kids these days don’t have a good work ethic, and they’re as soft as tissue paper. Farmer’s summer camp is designed to help parents solve these problems for their kids.

Farmer said, “I thought about this summer work camp a few years ago, but I didn’t do anything about it. But, I had trouble finding help last year on the farm, and I didn’t get some stuff done because of it. My wife told me to start that summer camp so I could get some extra help on the farm, and she said that parents would probably pay you to teach them stuff. I decided to give it a go this summer, and parents are actually paying me a lot of money for them to come work on the farm. It’s free labor, and I get paid instead of having to pay them. It’s crazy.”

Farmer has a large farm with cattle, chickens, pigs, and he also has many acres of pine trees as well. His camp is one week long; parents drop their kids off on Monday and pick them up on Friday. Many kids aren’t happy when they’re dropped off, but most don’t want to leave on Friday. Farmer only has enough room for 10 kids at a time, and kids must be at least age 10. They learn a plethora of things, but the #1 aim for Farmer is to teach the kids to have a good work ethic. They have to get up at 6:00 am each morning, and they all eat breakfast together. Then, they get to work.

Farmer said, “Those first couple days are normally pretty rough for the kids, but they generally start to turn the corner on day 3. We talk about the importance of a good work ethic and a good attitude every day. I’m pretty tough on them, but they also learn how to think. On a farm, you learn how to get stuff done; you can’t always call someone to help, you just have to figure it out. Many kids struggle with that these days. I tell them Mom or Dad ain’t here to do it for you. You gotta figure it out. Normally, by day 3, they don’t want any help; they gain confidence and independence to do it themselves.”

Kids at Farmer’s camp learn how to do a plethora of things including cutting grass, feeding the animals, taking care of the animals, fixing fences, using a chainsaw, driving a vehicle, construction, cooking, and much more. Farmer’s favorite thing for the kids is hauling square bales of hay. Farmer said, “I love watching the kids handle the square bales. They absolutely hate it, but it teaches them grit and toughness. That’s what these kids need.”

You might think having these kids on the farm would hinder Farmer getting his work done, and it does at times. But, overall having the kids at camp helps him with many things that he wouldn’t get to otherwise. It also helps him with income. 10 kids per week at $300 a pop adds up over 10-11 weeks.

One parent said, “I was a little reluctant to send my son to Farmer’s camp, but I’m glad I did. He learned so much just in a week’s time, and his attitude at home is much better. Plus, he wants to go outside more instead of staying inside and playing games or watching tv. We’ll be sending him back next summer.”

One mom said, “I just didn’t know if my 11 year old son could cut it at farm camp. He’s a momma’s boy, and he lacks mental and physical toughness. Farmer is tough on the kids, and my son responded to it well. Plus, he learned a lot. He knows how to cut grass now, and he can even drive a vehicle now. He can’t wait to go back next summer.”

Farmer wants to have even more kids to his camp next summer. Parents love it, and the kids love it too. We’ll update you next summer on Farmer’s Farm Camp.

by “Stretch” DeTrooth

Valley City Country Club (VCCC) is normally a pretty quiet sleepy place. Things can get crazy when they have tournaments or wedding receptions, and things can heat up a bit on the weekends. Monday- Thursday is normally ho hum with the same 25-30 senior citizens playing in the mornings. Things have gotten interesting at the club recently though. A prankster, or some would say terrorist, has been lurking around the course, and the golfers are tired of him.

A young man with an air horn has been pranking golfers while they’re teeing off for a few weeks now. He generally sounds the air horn during players’ backswings, and the noise causes a bad shot. No one has been able to catch the prankster. He wears camo, and he’s always hidden behind trees or brush. After he sounds his air horn and he’s located, he runs off into the woods.

VCCC was carved out of the forest, so the club is basically surrounded by woods. This has provided cover for the prankster. Golfers have started looking for him, but you never know where he’s going to be. He can find cover on 11 or 12 of the 18 holes on the course.

The prankster, nicknamed the Backswing Bandit, has even started a Facebook page sharing videos of his pranks, and he’s already obtained over 2,500 followers. The club members were mad, but the creation of the Facebook page has made many members irate. Many members have seen videos of themselves being pranked, and they’re not happy about it.

One club member said, “This is not funny. I guess he thinks he’s Johnny Knoxville in Jackass. This punk needs to be caught, and needs to be tarred and feathered. I can’t even enjoy a nice round of golf now because I’m worried I’m going to hear that air horn on any backswing. We’re gonna catch this golf terrorist.”

Another member said, “I’m gonna be honest. I think it’s funny. He’s gotten all my buddies except me, and they were all so mad. He’ll probably get me at some point. I kind of wish I would’ve came up with the idea myself. Some of these stiff old timers need to relax a little.”

VCCC doesn’t know what they’re going to do to stop the prankster. Will they offer a reward for information? The more time that goes by it seems the prankster gets more brash and bold. The SRVO will let you know about any developments with the Backswing Bandit.

by Ima Phibber

The Strong River Valley Tourism Board (SRVTB) has been hard at work over the past couple years. The Valley is booming with activity. New businesses are being formed all the time, and tourism has grown substantially. Their tagline “Visit The Valley” has gotten a lot of play, and many Valleyans use the term to encourage people to visit. But, the SRVTB plans to really put their foot on the gas and continue the momentum. They’re launching a new advertising campaign called “You might wanna visit The Valley if…”

SRVTB spokesperson Judy Strong said, “We’re always looking for new and creative ways to attract tourists to The Valley. We have a lot to offer, and we want to continue to get the word out. Our board has been brainstorming, and a member came up with the idea of “You might wanna visit The Valley if… The idea came from Jeff Foxworthy’s “You might be a redneck if…” shtick. We plan to highlight all the great things The Valley has to offer with this campaign. We think it’ll do well, and bring even more notoriety to The Valley.”

Great ad campaigns generally have a great pitchman/pitchwoman. People like Flo with Progressive Insurance and Billy Mays (RIP) with OxyClean come to mind. Strong said, “We had a great idea, but we needed a pitchman. Someone threw out Ricky Waters name, and everyone immediately smiled. Ricky has a successful outfitters company in Valley City that does river tubing, canoeing, and more, and he absolutely loves the Strong River and The Valley. Plus, he’s as crazy as loon, he loves to talk, and he’s handsome. So, the board thought he’d be the perfect pitchman for the campaign. We contacted him, and he said he’d love to take on the roll of pitchman.”

You Might Wanna Visit The Valley If… Intro Video

The ad campaign plans to feature Waters aka Ricky from The Valley highlighting the attractions, outdoors, restaurants, shopping, and more. The SRVTB plans to place ads in multiple channels including social media, tv, newspaper, Spotify, YouTube and more. Ads will be placed across Mississippi and the Southeast. Ricky from The Valley will highlight the great food of The Valley. Strong said, “You gotta start with our great food right? You’ll soon see Ricky bragging on our wonderful food and restaurants.”

The SRVTB has high hopes for the ad campaign. It will interesting to see if Ricky from The Valley takes off or not. Whether we like him or not, we’re about to see a lot of him.

by “Stretch” DeTrooth

There are some iconic sporting events in May including the Kentucky Derby and Indianapolis 500, and I think you can add the Strong River Valley (SRV) Pickleball Open to that list now. This event has grown substantially over the first 3 years of the tournament. This year’s tournament was a big event for The Valley. It had a football-like atmosphere; people were tailgating in the parking lot beforehand. Over 60 players participated in the tournament, and there were over 500 spectators for the finals. Valleyans are in love with pickleball.

The women’s favorite, Mary Grace Evert, was injured, so she wasn’t able to play in the tournament. So, that opened up the door to Valleyan and fan favorite, Veanus Vanderford. She breezed through the draw, but she had a battle in the finals from young upstart, Steffi Seles. Seles, a Madison native and BMW owner, has really burst on the scene this year, and she’s currently ranked #5 in the MS Women’s Pickleball rankings. Vanderford’s experience really paid off late in the match, and she pulled it out in a close one. There was a lot of tension between Vanderford’s fans and the Madisonians backing Seles, but things didn’t get out of hand. There’s always tension between the Valleyans and the city slickers from Jackson and Madison.

Vanderford and her partner, Sarena Smith, just dominated the women’s doubles draw. They breezed to the finals and won easily. The men’s doubles final was a must watch match. It was a rematch of last year’s final- Johnny McEnroe and Steve Edberg vs. Ethan Burnham and Owen Patrick. Burnham and Patrick are from Strong River Bend, and they brought a big contingent of raucous fans. The attorneys from Madison, McEnroe and Edberg, seemed unfazed by the crowd. But, things got tight toward the end of the match. Burnham and Patrick made a furious comeback, and tied things up late. The crowd was going nuts. But, McEnroe and Edberg managed to pull it out it in the end in a thriller.

The drama this year was in the men’s senior division. The women’s and men’s senior division was new this year, and it was for players age 65 plus. Jimmy Laver was the favorite in the men’s senior division. Laver plays an aggressive fiery style, and he rubs a lot of people the wrong way. He breezed to the final without ever cracking a smile. He faced Billy Tilden in the final. Tilden is a nice guy that loves to talk to the crowd and his opponents. He started talking to Laver before the match, but Laver ignored him. Tilden continued to talk throughout the match, and you could see that it was bothering Laver. Laver led a close match late, but he made an error on an easy smash. Tilden made a comment, and Laver just lost it. He starting cursing Tilden, and he told him to shut up and not say another word. The fans were taken aback with Laver’s outburst. Tilden ended up winning in a big upset. Laver was so mad after the match that he stormed off the court, and he didn’t shake Tilden’s hand after the match. The fans booed Laver, and he turned around and gave them the middle finger.

Tilden said, “Look, I wasn’t trying to get under his skin initially. I like to talk, so I just talk to everybody. But, Jimmy just ignored me from the start. That kind of made me mad, but I didn’t show it. I just kept talking and kept playing. I didn’t know it, but Jimmy was like a volcano. And, when he missed that smash, he erupted, and it was over after that. I really got in his head. He’s gonna have to learn to deal with my talking. And come on man, you gotta shake my hand. That was pretty lame.”

This tournament was so much fun to cover, and I can’t wait until next year. It’ll continue to grow, and it’s a great event for The Valley.

by “Stretch” DeTrooth

Select or travel sports has really taken off over the past 5-10 years. In The Valley, baseball and softball have seen the most growth, but soccer and volleyball have seen significant growth recently as well. Jimmy Sexxton had 2 sons that played select baseball, so he’s seen how the sausage is made. He felt his sons’ teams and other select teams had trouble finding talent, and many times coaches had difficulties finding players that were the right fit for their teams. So, Sexxton has started Ascend Sports, a select sports analytics, information, and scouting firm, to serve Valley youth select/travel sports markets.

Sexxton said, “We’ll start with baseball and softball because that’s where I have the most knowledge and connections, but we plan to broaden out to soccer, volleyball, and more in the future. Ascend has been collecting data from players across the Valley and MS to build a huge database. The database will be able to be sorted by sport, and it will be able to be narrowed down from there. Data is king, and that’s going to be our calling card. We’re going to have the best data for coaches and parents so they can make the best decisions for their teams and kids. We’ll allow parents to upload data, but that data will be verified.”

Select/travel sports is big business now, and Sexxton felt analytics, information, and scouting was the next frontier in the business. Ascend plans to have a trove of data on players including position/s, left or right handed, batting average, slugging percentage, speed rating, etc. Additionally, Ascend plans to rate kids’ parents as well to give prospective coaches some info about the parents. Sexxton said, “If you’re looking to add a kid, you want to know about their parents. A crazy mom or dad can ruin the chemistry of a team. So, I think this is something that will really set us apart.”

Sexxton has a plan for revenue for Ascend. He said, “Right now, we’ll have multiple streams of revenue. Parents will pay a monthly subscription fee to have their kid’s profile on our website. If a parent wants to upload videos, the fee will be higher. Also, we’ll be like a stats dashboard for players. Kids that brag about their batting average will be able to show their buddies their average on our site/app. Also, we’ll collect search fees from teams when they’re looking for a player or coach. Additionally, we’ll run ads on our site. I’m confident the subscription fees from parents will be the big driver of revenue at the beginning, but that could change over time.”

Coaches will not just have access to the player data, Ascend will also conduct parent interviews for an additional fee. So, a parent interview can provide important information for a coach when he’s looking for a certain player. Ascend’s data will allow coaches to really drill down and get a player with a specific skillset.

Sexxton said, “If a 9U baseball coach is looking for a power hitting right fielder with good speed, we’ll be able to find him. If a 12U softball coach is looking for a left-handed pitcher with a good rise ball, we’ll be able to find her. If a 12U baseball coach is looking for a right-handed middle reliever with a good slider, we’ll be able to find him.”

Ascend will also provide recreation (rec) baseball/softball scouting. Sexxton said, “It seems like all kids are playing select, but there are still some good players that play rec ball only. We’ll have scouts that will hopefully find diamonds in the rough in rec leagues. Coaches will be able to have access to a rec player database for a small fee as well.”

Finally, Ascend will also have a “Pickup” wire on their site/app. So, if a coach knows he’s going to need a player in 4 weeks, the wire will show him available players for that time. This will give coaches the ability to plan ahead (for a small fee) and pickup good quality players when they need them.

Sexxton said, “I feel Ascend will do well, and I feel it will be a huge asset to parents and coaches in the select sports world. We’ll start by serving the parents and coaches of The Valley, but we hope to quickly expand to the whole state. We’re only getting started, and the future looks bright.”

by B. S. Ryter

I recently wrote a story about Eggcellent Security, a Valley egg security firm. With egg prices going down significantly recently, Eggcellent’s business has suffered a great deal. The firm had to lay off over 50% of their employees, and times have been tough for the firm. But, a new opportunity has risen for the firm, and they have taken advantage of it.

Bill Broody, the firm’s owner, has done a 180 with their business in the past couple months. Broody said, “Well, if I wanted my company to stay afloat, I had to make some changes. Luckily for us, crazy people started vandalizing Tesla cars. There’s always an opportunity for someone during difficult times, and we’ve switched gears literally to start serving Tesla car owners. This line of work could eventually slack off too, but we’ll take it while we got it.”

Broody saw Tesla owners asking for help to guard and protect their vehicles on social media. He offered his services in multiple Facebook groups and other forums, and Tesla owners gladly took him up on the offer. The local Tesla store also hired his firm to guard their vehicles at night. Broody said, “Elon is trying to help save our country with DOGE, and he is indirectly helping to save my company. We’re back on our feet, and I’ve been able to hire just about all my guys back. Thanks crazy far leftists and Elon!”

Broody’s has rebranded his firm from Eggcellent Security to Tesla Guard. Business has been really good since the shift. His firm collects a fee through an app for every vehicle they protect, and the fees can vary depending on the location. The business has totally shifted from rural areas to urban areas, and the client demographics have shifted dramatically too. Broody said, “Instead of my guys spending time on farms, they’re now spending time at Whole Foods, Costco, and Starbucks. Our clients now lean much more to the left politically, but that’s ok. We’ll take their money too.”

NEW LOGO OLD LOGO

A Tesla Guard client said, “My Tesla got keyed at a coffee shop, and I got it fixed. I was so worried about it happening again, but I don’t have to worry about it now. Tesla Guard has got me covered.”

A Tesla Guard employee said, “I felt much more at home working out in the country on farms, but that work dried up. So, we gotta go where the work is. I ain’t crazy about most of our new clients. I wouldn’t be caught dead in a Tesla; you couldn’t pay me to drive one. But, they are paying our bills now, so we gotta do what we gotta do.”

The crazies will probably back off once Elon gets back to work with Tesla and is in the spotlight less. So, Tesla Guard’s business will likely slow down in the coming months like it did when they were in the egg security business. But, you gotta get it while the getting is good.

by Emma Embellischer

There are over 250 million Facebook users in the U.S., and the average user spends over 30 minutes per day on the app. Different features of Facebook have gained a lot of traction over the past few years including Facebook Marketplace, stories, reels, etc. One area that has grown substantially is Facebook groups, and one type of group that many people love and hate is city or town groups. Most cities and towns have groups that allow people to share info and news about their towns or cities. It’s a great way to get pertinent information out quickly; it sure beats the newspaper these days.

There is also a downside to these city/town groups. You can get posts about wondering pets, complaints about people or businesses, sales pitches, and more. Also, people can be downright rude and mean in these groups; common courtesy and decency goes out the window in some of these groups. A Valley City resident has gotten tired of the negativity, and he/she has formed a new Facebook group called Let’s Talk Valley City+.

The group creator has remained anonymous, but the creator made a post about the genesis of the new group. He/she posted, “The Let’s Talk Valley City and Genuine Valley City groups have gotten out of control, so it was time to create a new group. This new group’s purpose is to share news and info about Valley City in an encouraging and positive environment. Negativity and criticism will not be tolerated. The + symbol at the end of Let’s Talk Valley City+ stands for Positive. So, let’s make this group a safe space to share uplifting and encouraging news about our great town.”

A great feature about Facebook groups is that the creator/administrator gets to choose who they allow to join their group. Let’s Talk Valley City+ evidently let anyone and everyone in the group initially to grow the group, and that didn’t get the group off on the right foot. It didn’t take long for negativity to enter the group. A screenshot of one of the first posts in the group was sent to me, and you can see it below.

One group member posted, “I thought this group was going to different, but it looks to be more of the same crap. It’s a little depressing to be honest. SMH! Another group member said, “What is wrong with you moreons?! This group is suppozed to be a safe space for possitive and uplifting posts! We can’t have nothing nice no more!”

People tend to be more critical and harsh on social media, and it’s very unfortunate. It tends to bring out the worst in people when they know they won’t have to see people face-to-face. Hopefully, Let’s Talk Valley City+ can get rid of these negative Nancys and uphold the group’s purpose and mission, but time will tell.