All posts by srvobser

by Offe Hisczrocher

The Valley County Baptist Association (VCBA) hosts a Christmas open house each year. They use it as a way to bring awareness to their various mission projects, and they also use it as a fundraiser for less fortunate families for Christmas. Attendance has been dropping the past few years, so they decided to spice things up this year to hopefully bring in more Valleyans. They decided to do a Little Debbie Christmas tree cake eating contest with the pastors of the county this Tuesday night.

They did a good job of promoting the event and especially the Christmas tree cake eating contest. They ended up having a huge crowd. There were 7 pastors that competed in the contest, and each pastor had a contingent from his church there cheering him on. So, it was a fun and exciting atmosphere similar to a ball game. The VCBA building was jam packed, and many people had to stand to watch the contest.

VCBA Missions Director Chuck Spurgeon said, “This idea was raised by one of our pastors, and I thought he was crazy. A few other pastors thought it was a good idea, so I agreed to give it a try. We didn’t charge an admission fee, but we encouraged donations. I’m glad we did it, because we raised more money than any of our previous open houses. It was a big hit. I guess we’ll make it an annual event.”

The rules for the contest were simple- eat as many Christmas tree cakes as possible in 15 minutes. They could also use as much liquid as needed. There was a timer in front of the pastors, and there was a timer behind the pastors for the crowd to see. As a precaution, medical personnel were on site in case of a choking, blood sugar, or other medical emergency.

Most people in attendance thought Bro. Jim Swaggart from Riverbend Baptist Church would win the contest. He’s a big burly guy that is a few pounds overweight. He got off to a hot start, and he had downed 10 cakes before you could blink. He ended up hitting a wall around the 5 minute mark though. Bro. Bill Graham with 2nd Baptist Church of Valley City started out strong as well, and he had a big cheering section there cheering him on. Bro. Graham is a diabetic, and he could be seen messing with his insulin pump during the contest.

No one would’ve picked Bro. Stevie Fertick with Ascent Church to win the contest. He’s in shape and looks like a personal trainer or model. He has a fade haircut and a perfectly groomed beard, and he wears nice stylish clothes with sneakers. Bro. Fertick had the best strategy. He had a steady deliberate pace from the jump, and it paid off. He ended up winning the contest by eating 49 Christmas tree cakes in 15 minutes. Bro. Ricky Warren finished 2nd with 42, and Bro. Kenny Copeland finished 3rd with 41.

Missions Director Spurgeon said, “This ended up being a great event for us. We ended up raising over $5,000 to help with local families for Christmas. That’s the most we’ve ever raised by far, so we’ll definitely be doing the Christmas tree eating contest going forward. We plan to livestream it next year. Hopefully, the pastors will be doing a detox over the next few days. God is good!”

by Heeza De Seaver

If you’ve been around kids lately, especially boys, then you’ve heard them say 6-7.  I hear it every day from my 9 year old son. 6-7 became a viral meme on TikTok, and it originated from a rap song by Skrilla.  Now, kids say it all the time for no reason at all, and it’s gotten to be a little ridiculous.  God forbid, you have to say the numbers 6 and 7 together, or if you just say 6.  If you’re around young boys, you know what’s coming next, 6-7.  This incessant 6-7ing contributed to an unfortunate incident this week in Valley City.

The Six Oaks subdivision in Valley City is a nice quiet neighborhood.  It was developed about 3 years ago, and it’s probably the nicest neighborhood in Valley City.  It’s full of young couples with young kids.  You’ll see kids playing outside and riding their bikes around the neighborhood like the good ole days.  Things got interesting Tuesday night in Six Oaks though, and the police were called to the neighborhood around 7:00 pm.  Multiple people called the police after hearing yelling and cursing at 67 Six Oaks Dr.  A large fire in the backyard of the residence was also reported to the police.

A police spokesperson said, “A couple of our officers arrived on the scene around 7:05 pm.  The homeowner, a male in his late 30s, was outside the home when the officers arrived.  The homeowner informed the officers about what happened, and he apologized for losing his cool.  The officers checked on all the residents in the home, and they briefly questioned the wife.  Everyone was fine.  The officers asked him to extinguish the fire in the backyard, and he agreed to do so.  No charges were filed.”

The homeowner and suspect was Will Wraige.  Wraige said, “Look, I just lost it.  I take my boys to school every morning, and they were 6-7ing the whole ride to school this morning.  I had a really bad day at work.  My wife and I got into an argument this afternoon too.  I picked my boys up from school, and they were still 6-7ing.  When I drove into our neighborhood, someone had spray painted a 7 next to Six on the neighborhood sign.  Next, I sat on the john when I got home, and we were out of toilet paper. Then, my wife burnt our supper.  The boys were still 6-7ing after supper, and I just couldn’t take it anymore.”

Wraige began to gather his sons’ toys into a pile in the backyard.  He poured gas on the toys, and he set them on fire in his backyard.  His wife and kids were hysterical.  Will was yelling and cursing.  Neighbors heard the disturbance, and called the police.  Fortunately, no one was harmed during the ordeal.  

Wraige said, “I’m so sorry to my wife and kids, and I’m really embarrassed by my behavior.  It was on our neighborhood Facebook group, so everyone knows I went nuts.  It’s pretty embarrassing.  In addition to the police showing up, two fire trucks came too. Everyone in the neighborhood was outside to see what was going on. And, now I have to spend a lot more money on Christmas gifts this year because I lost my mind.  But, I scared my boys so bad that they haven’t said 6-7 around me since then.  I guess that’s one good thing that came from it.”

Hopefully, this 6-7 nonsense will stop soon.  I’m sure another annoying trend will take its place.  Maybe Trump should’ve banned Tiktok.  Maybe western civilization will survive.  We’ll see.

by Emma Embellischer

The Strong River Valley Technology Institute (SRVTI) had their first meeting last night, and they wasted no time getting to work. The SRVTI promised to improve the lives of Valleyans, and their first project will definitely do that. Also, it’s a very timely tool for the Christmas season.

Everyone loves Little Debbie Christmas tree cakes, but they can be very difficult to find. I’ve tried to buy them multiple times at Dollar General recently, but they’ve been sold out. Now, I’ll be able to find them anywhere in Mississippi. The SRVTI created a website to track inventory of Little Debbie Christmas tree cake boxes at stores across the state.

LITTLE DEBBIE CHRISTMAS TREE CAKE TRACKER SITE

Do you want to know if Kroger or Dollar General have any before you leave the house? Now, you can check on the website before leaving your house and wasting your time and gas.

A SRVTI spokesperson said, “A SRVTI member brought some Little Debbie Christmas tree cakes to our meeting last night. Another member complained that he could never find any at his local grocery store. So, we had a problem to solve right off the bat. We were done in less than an hour with this site. We hope it helps Valleyans find one of their favorite Christmas treats.”

by Emma Embellischer

The Strong River Valley is much different than Silicon Valley in California. Most people have never heard of the Strong River Valley, but I’ll take our catfish and sweet tea over Silicon Valley’s lattes and avocado toast any day of the week. We’re definitely not on the cutting edge of technology like they are in Silicon Valley. But, things are changing in The Valley and in Mississippi. Our governor and our legislature are determined to make Mississippi a tech hub. We’ve had multiple announcements lately about new data centers coming to our great state, and there are other exciting tech related things happening in the state as well.

The SRVO doesn’t want to sit idly by while all this tech innovation is happening in our state and region. So, we’ve created a tech incubator called the Strong River Valley Technology Institute (SRVTI) to encourage Valleyans to participate in the current AI tech revolution. The SRVTI will be a collaboration of software engineers, developers, coders, and more, and they’ll meet every Tuesday night in a vacant office at the SRVO’s headquarters.

The SRVTI’s goal is to create technology that improves the quality of the life of Valleyans. The SRVTI’s motto is simple: Collaborate, Innovate, and Create. Valley tech entrepreneur, Bill Ballmer, has been chosen to be the Director of the SRVTI, and the SRVTI’s initial meeting is tonight.

Ballmer said, “I’m so excited about the SRVTI. I’ve got 4 engineers and developers coming to the meeting tonight, and they’re ready to get after it. This is going to be something to benefit everyone in The Valley, and we plan to make some great stuff to help y’all. Keep an eye out for us! We’re gonna be creating some sweet stuff.”

The SRVTI plans to be coming out with at least one app or website by year end. They will be using AI, and they plan to do workshops to teach Valleyans how to use AI as well. Stay tuned! Ballmer and his guys have promised to do great things.

by Ima Phibber

Black Friday is here! It’s the most hectic day on the calendar. People flock to stores early for all the deals, and things can get crazy. It has calmed down in recent years because more people are avoiding the crowds and craziness and shopping online. You generally think of large national stores offering Black Friday deals, but many local businesses offer Black Friday deals as well. Julia’s on Main, a Valley City boutique, had multiple Black Friday sales, and things got interesting there this morning.

Julia’s on Main owner, Julia Kate Jones said, “I try to have Black Friday deals each year, and this year was no different. It’s always good to get a lot of people in the store, but never in my wildest dreams would I’ve thought things could have gotten this crazy. I’m not sure that I’ll do any Black Friday deals in the future; I don’t think it’s worth it.”

Jones promoted her new custom activewear line called Jujulime on social media for a few weeks leading up to Black Friday, and she was excited about premiering it on Black Friday. She had a good response, so she ordered a pretty sizable inventory of the new line. But, the early shoppers didn’t come for her new clothing line, they came for her Labubu dolls.

Jones said, “Recently, I watched a couple videos on Tiktok about how many people think Labubu dolls are evil. I started thinking about it, and I never really liked those ugly things. Plus, things haven’t gone very well since I started selling them; the vibes in the store have been off. So, I decided I was going to get rid of them. I did a couple posts on social media about having a 75% off sale on my Labubu dolls. That obviously was a mistake. People showed up about an hour before I opened. I didn’t know why those people were lined up so early, but I found out real quick when I opened the door.”

About 25 people were lined up outside before she opened. When she unlocked the door at 7:00 am, she was almost knocked down by the stampede of women. Jones added, “Those crazies made a beeline to the Labubu dolls. I put a 3 item limit on them, but one lady tried to buy 5. Two grandmas got into a shouting match. I go to church with both ladies, and I was shocked. They were not using Sunday school words. Two younger ladies both grabbed the same doll box, and they ripped it apart. The doll fell on the floor, and a scuffle ensued to grab the doll. I was just standing there with my mouth wide open.”

Jones said, “I was so excited about my new clothing line, Jujulime. It’s a great alternative to Lululemon, Vuori, and other high end activewear brands. It’s feel great, and it’s much more affordable. But, all the air was just let out of my balloon with the chaos. There were a few ladies looking at the Jujulime clothes, but they left when the chaos happened. One psycho lady knocked 2 of my clothing racks over trying to grab a Labubu. I couldn’t believe it.”

Jones considered calling the police, but she didn’t. The ladies eventually settled down after a few minutes. Jones added, “One good thing is that the Labubu dolls are gone. I guess I’ll have to hire security if I do Black Friday deals next year. People are just crazy. Anyways, y’all come check out my Jujulime line!”

by I. B. Lyon

It made national news on October 28th when a truck transporting rhesus monkeys had an accident on I-59 in Jasper County. The story captivated the people of central Mississippi for days because multiple monkeys escaped and were on the loose. Initially, authorities said there were 3 monkeys that had escaped, and supposedly the last “free” monkey was captured on November 1st. People joked on social media that there had to be more escaped monkeys, and they were right.

Strong River Bend (SRB) police were called to the Dollar General yesterday at approximately 5:30 pm. A shopper reported seeing another shopper walking throughout the store with a monkey on leash. The police arrived a few minutes later, and the shopper with the monkey was checking out. The officer asked the shopper to leave his items at the counter and to come outside the store. The officer questioned the individual and took him and the monkey into custody. Valley County Animal Control was called to get the monkey, and they arrived about 20 minutes later to handle the monkey.

The individual with the monkey was George Goodall. Goodall was initially charged with possession of an escaped lab monkey, but he was released after questioning. I was able to talk with Goodall, and his story is unbelievable.

Goodall said, “Let’s start from the beginning. My cousin lives in Jasper County close to where the wreck happened and the monkeys escaped. The next day, one of the monkeys showed up at his house. He said it looked scared and hungry, so he fed it. He called me because I’ve joked many times about having a monkey as an emotional support animal. I drove over to see the monkey, and we immediately formed a bond. I took him home with me, and I started training him to be an emotional support animal.”

Goodall added, “I didn’t plan to let anyone know, but he was doing so well. I got Kong potty trained, and he stopped being aggressive toward me and my dog. So, I needed to go to Dollar General to get some Little Debbie Christmas tree cakes and some sweet tea, and I decided I’d put him on a leash and bring him with me. I planned to get in and out quick so no one would put up a fuss, but I wasn’t able to do that. I’m worried about Kong. What are they gonna do with him? I know I don’t have a monkey permit or license, but I really want him back.”

One witness and Dollar General shopper said, “I had to do a double take when I saw the guy walking around with the monkey. I thought I was in a dream. The monkey was well-behaved, and he wasn’t making any noises. He did try to take some of the snacks, but the guy grabbed them and put them back. Then, the cops showed up, and they were gone. That’s just a normal day at Dollar General right?!”

Valley County Animal Control was planning to hold the monkey until authorities decide what to do with him. However, Kong escaped from the animal control specialist as he was transporting him from the vehicle to the animal control facility. So, Kong is on the loose again! Anyone who spots Kong is urged to call the Valley County Sheriff’s Dept. or the Valley County Animal Control office, and authorities are warning people to not approach Kong. Rhesus monkeys can be aggressive and dangerous.

Valley County Animal Control refused to provide a comment on the situation. The monkey saga is not over after all!

by Ima Phibber

It’s November, so that means football season is nearing its end. Football fans have been gathering in The Grove, The Junction, in Hattiesburg, and Friday nights at high school games cheering on their teams this fall. The tailgating, festivities, and games call for many pictures, especially for the females. They have to get dressed to the nine and post their pics to Instagram, Tiktok, Facebook, and LinkedIn. The many group pics calls for a fairly new phenomenon called the sorority squat.

The sorority squat was invented by sorority girls to fit more people into a picture. People on the front row do a cute knee bend or squat, and that allows for people on the back row to be seen in the picture. It has become a fixture in the pictures of young ladies these days. Many times, there is no need for it, they just do it because they think it’s cute and fun.

Dr. Kye Alfa-Kapa, a local orthopedist at The Valley Medical Center, is warning people, especially young ladies, about the perils of the sorority squat. Dr. Alfa-Kapa said, “I’m seeing more and more ladies with leg injuries caused by the sorority squat. Most of the cases are knee injuries, but I’ve seen some quad, calf, and hip injuries as well. I’m not sure what is causing it, but it is troubling. Many times, extra weight can cause issues with joints and leg injuries, but the ladies I’ve seen that have been injured from the sorority squat are not overweight.”

Dr. Alfa-Kapa added, “I have a few theories on the sorority squat injuries. I think these shakes and teas ladies are buying at these “nutrition shops” could be a cause. What is in these drinks, and what are they doing to the tendons, ligaments, and muscles? These GLP-1s like Ozempic and their side effects could be a cause as well. Botox could potentially be a cause too. I think climate change may even be a cause. I do know that more study and research needs to go into solving the issue.”

Dr. Alfa-Kapa is recommending that ladies do plenty of leg workouts like squats and lunges to strengthen their legs. He recommends starting out light to prevent any leg injuries, and he recommends to start working out in the summer to prep for the long football season in the fall. He also recommends that ladies over 50 not even attempt the sorority squat; he feels the risk is not worth it.

I talked to a few young ladies about Dr. Alfa-Kapa’s recommendations. One sorority member at Ole Miss said, “I think Dr. Alfa-Kapa Delta or whatever is full of it. I have seen one girl get injured from the sorority squat, but it was because she was drunk and wearing heels. Me and my girls are gonna keep squatting, and he can jump in a lake.”

One high school cheerleader said, “I haven’t heard of anybody getting hurt from the sorority squat. My mom did catch a bad cramp one time when she did it, and she went down to one knee and had to be helped up. I love doing it. I do it all the time, even when I don’t have to. All us girls thinks it’s cute for pictures. Who cares what the doctor said? I’m gonna keep doing it.”

by I. B. Lyon

Convenience stores (c-stores) in the South and in The Valley are much more than just c-stores and gas stations. Many serve some of the best food you’ll ever put in your mouth. I’ll take my local convenience store’s food over any fancy restaurant any day of the week. But, some stores are much more than that; many are the cultural centers and “water coolers” of their community. A lot of c-stores have a core group of mostly older gentlemen that meet daily at the store to drink coffee, gossip, talk politics, and tell lies.

The Bend Corner Store is the cultural center of Strong River Bend (SRB). It’s a busy c-store at the intersection of Hwy. 31 and 81, and it’s a happening place. It has a group of 6-7 retired men that hang out there every morning to drink coffee and gossip. They were nicknamed the “Gossip Gang” by a customer. You’ll hear them talking to customers that they know, and they’re always bantering back and forth with each other and customers. Unfortunately, their founding member, Larry Ledbetter, passed away a couple months ago.

Lyin’ Larry, as he was affectionately known, had been a fixture at The Bend Corner Store for years. He retired from the state about 25 years ago, and he hung around the store almost every day since he retired. Some customers thought he worked there he was there so much. Lyin’ Larry got his nickname for his great ability to stretch the truth.

One member of the Gossip Gang said, “We all loved Lyin’ Larry. You couldn’t help but love him, and it’s just not the same without him. Larry could stretch the truth better than anybody. He’d start out with a shred of truth, but his imagination would get the best of him I guess. We’d all just sit back and listen when he started telling a story, because we knew it was going to get good. We miss him.”

A store clerk said, “Gosh! We miss Lyin’ Larry! Everybody loved him. The kids loved him, because he’d give them a piece of gum or peppermint. All the customers loved him; he always talked with them and made them feel good. It just ain’t the same without him.”

Store owner Mahmoud Abdul said, “Larry was a such a fixture here at the store and in the community that I had to do something to honor him. I decided to put up a statue of him outside the store. When we unveiled the statue, we had a celebration of life ceremony for him. It was a great thing for the whole community. So, I’m happy that Lyin’ Larry’s legacy will live on here in SRB.”

You can stop by The Bend Corner Store to see Lyin’ Larry’s statue. It’s a very nice, life-size bronze statue. I had the pleasure of knowing Larry, and I always enjoyed talking with him on Thursdays when I’d get the world famous chicken livers for lunch. He was a fine man, and I was honored to call him a friend.

by Tre w/ the HOA

Hello friends, Valleyans, and countrymen! For those of you that don’t know, Valley Meadows is a mobile home covenant community just outside Valley City. I am the HOA president, and I’m trying to whip this place into shape, but it’s a tall task. Halloween is crazy around here, and I wanna give y’all a recap of what all happened this year.

The wonderful residents of Valley Meadows love Halloween. They decorate much more for Halloween than Christmas unfortunately. More people miss rent payments in November than in January if that tells you something. This year was crazy again. These people really stress me out! I remind everyone on our Facebook group to behave each year, but it doesn’t work.

People come from all over The Valley to see the Halloween decorations in Valley Meadows, so we always have a lot of traffic. That gives our teenagers ample opportunities to scare people in their vehicles. This year, we had multiple instances of teens in scary costumes jumping on the hoods of vehicles trying to scare motorists. Luckily, no one was hurt, but multiple people got out of their vehicles ready to throw hands. The teens just run off and hide.

Most people stay in their vehicles because you never know what might happen if you get out. Some brave people trick or treated in our neighborhood. We had 5 or 6 kids walking around dressed as zombies. I received a report that one small child was almost scared to death. He was scared so badly that he started hyperventilating, and he had to use his inhaler.

Additionally, we had multiple instances of young girls being scared to death by a male teen walking around with a fake knife sticking in his neck. The poor girls came running and screaming back to their vehicle banging on the doors to be let in. They were hysterical, so I doubt they’ll be back next year.

Also, I caught a couple 11 year old boys vaping at the gazebo. It was dark around the gazebo, and I guess they thought no one was around to catch them. I threw their vapes away, and I told their moms about it. I doubt anything happens; I’m sure they got them from their parents. It could be worse; at least they weren’t smoking pot.

Other than the things above, it was a pretty uneventful evening. Hopefully, we can tone it down a bit next year, because things have gotten a little out of hand. I think I’m going to request a law enforcement presence next year. I’ll send out emails and put out a post on our Facebook page, but I doubt anything will change. This job is making me old real quick.

by Carl “Bull” Crapper

The United States is a great country, and I wouldn’t want to live anywhere else. But, there are some bad things that have occurred throughout our history, and slavery and the treatment of Native Americans are at the top of the list. Of course, there is nothing we can do about those atrocities now, but we can definitely learn from them and make sure they never happen again.

A new trend called land acknowledgements has started in the past few years where speakers at public events or gatherings acknowledge the event is on stolen land that was once owned and occupied by Native Americans. This has generally happened in big cities, at universities, and more liberal areas of the country. I’ve never heard a land acknowledgement, and I don’t know anyone else in The Valley that has heard or experienced one until this week.

Valley Tech is an online college located in Valley City, and they host a Fall Festival at their campus each year. It’s a very popular event that Valleyans and their kids look forward to each year. They have games, jump houses, candy and more. Things were going well until new Valley Tech Chancellor, Bernie Jeffries-Cortez, addressed the crowd. Jeffries-Cortez is from California, and he was an Assistant Admissions Director at San Francisco Community College before becoming the Valley Tech Chancellor this summer.

Jeffries-Cortez introduced himself and thanked the crowd for coming, and then he did the land acknowledgement. He stated that the event was being held on stolen land from the Six Town Band of Choctaw Indians, and the Native Americans were treated very badly. After he finished the land acknowledgement, the crowd immediately started booing him. There were reports that a few items were even thrown at Jeffries-Cortez.

One attendee said, “I’ve heard of land acknowledgements, but I’ve never actually heard one myself. I was shocked this guy did one. Thattaway to endear yourself to the community! This is not California or New York man. People were not happy about it, and those poor kids heard some pretty bad words. I bet that’ll be the last land acknowledgement at Valley Tech.”

One Valley Tech employee who wanted to remain anonymous said, “I think Bernie has done a pretty good job so far, but he really screwed up with this land acknowledgement. No one knew he was going to do it. I wish he would’ve ran it by somebody. He got the heck out of there real quick; he didn’t want to talk with anyone. You’re not in San Francisco anymore Bernie!”

Jeffries-Cortez couldn’t be reached for comment. Valley Tech put out a statement on Facebook apologizing for the land acknowledgement and thanking Valleyans for another successful Fall Festival. The comments on the post were not very nice and forgiving, however. We’ll see if there’s additional fallout from the land acknowledgement.